Lavender

Update! False Alarm!

I received the news earlier by a text message from a friend. But now another friend who's a frequent customer called to make an appointment and the secretary answered! So, lavender is still open!

She asked about what happened and the secretary said that she's been getting calls all day from people asking about the same thing.

So it appears to be just a rumor and apparently from people wanting to ruin their reputation.

Sorry girls, I should've made sure before posting, my apologies.




My earlier post:
Lavender for massage at Al Muhallab Complex (Hawalli) has been shut down. They had SPY CAMS.
Shocking news is that it's owned by a Doctor!

Memoirs of a Single Girl (5)

مذكرات عانس 5

إنسي أمر الزواج

أنا: الأولى تجوزت، والتانيه تجهزت، والتالته خطبوها، خطبوها تعززت
هذه الأغنية تتماشى مع الخبرالسعيد الذي قلتيه، مبروك خطبة أختك

هي: الله يبارك فيك

قالتها وهي منخفضة الرأس، وعلى وجهها نظرة حزينة
استغربت من مزاجها، لم تلك النظرة الحزينة، صحيح أنها غير متزوجه حتى الآن، ولكن هذا لا يمنع من أن تكون سعيدة لأختها الصغرى
راودتني كعادتي شكوك في نفسي إن كنت قد أسأت لها بكلمة ما، ولكني كنت شديدة الحرص على عدم قول الفأل لك لعلمي بأنها قد ملت سماعها سنين طوال من الناس حولها وخصوصا في الأعراس أو حين تلقي خبر خطبة

أنا: ما بك يا صاحبتي، ألست سعيدة بخطبة أختك

هي: بالطبع نعم، ولكن

أنا: ولكن ماذا

هي: أبي

أنا: عسى ما شر

هي: أبي بارك لأختي التي خطبت، وتمنى الفأل لأختي الأخرى آخر العنقود، أما أنا، فلا

أنا: لماذا

نطقتها بكل استغراب ثم بدأت أحاسب نفسي لعدم تمني الفأل لها

هي: بالضبط، أنا إستغربت أكثر منك، فسألته مباشرة وماذا عني أنا، أليس لي حق في تمنيك

هنا لمحت دمعة في عينيها، تحاول جاهدة أن تخفيها بتوجيه نظرها للفوق تارة، ومن ثم للأرض لتكمل سرد قصتها

قال لي: أنت، أنت عديمة الفائدة

هنا لم أستطع كبح جماح نفسي فقاطعتها قائلة

أنا: ماذا، مع كل إحترامي لوالدك، ولكن،،، ولكن لم هذا القول

هي: هو يراني كبرت وقد طافني القطار، أما أختي فهي صغيرة، ولديها كل الميزات التي تؤهلها للزواج المبكر، ومن المؤكد أن تكون هي التالية، مما يجعلها مغترة بنفسها حتي علي، تخيلي، أنا أختها الكبرى
وأنهى أبي كلامه قائلا: إنسي أمر الزواج أو حتى الحلم به

لقد حزنت كثيرا لصاحبتي وخصوصا بأنها لا تقل جمالا عن أختها، ولكن نفسها الخجولة، الطيبه والمسالمة هي التي جعلت أخواتها تتفوقن عليها
وهكذا حطم الأب كل ذرة أمل كانت تمتلكها، هي ليست ناقصة، ولكن القدر لعب دوره أيضا في تلقيها خطاب ليسوا من أصلهم ولا فصلهم

أنا أستغرب من سماح الأب بأن تظل إبنته عانس على أن يزوجها بشخص ليس من قبيلتهم، وإن كان هذا الأمر لابد منه، فهل مصيرها العيش وحيدة تتلقى الإهانات من كل جانب، حتى من أقرب الناس لها، سندها وعضدها، أبيها


اللعنه على كل قانون إخترعه بني أدم لكي يفرق بينهم


تمنيت بأن أقول لها أهربي مع من تريدين ولكن
كيف أقول لها ذلك وهي أصلا متربية على دين إخترعه قومها، قانونه ينص على وجوب إجتياز الخطيب إختبار معايير الأصل والفصل مع السماح بغض البصر عن بعض أوصافه أو خلقه


هي تعاني، نعم، ولكنها متشبعة بنهج عشيرتها


وفي النهاية، اسمحوا لي بأن أتحفكم بمعلومة صغيرة تناقض فحوى القصة


أم صاحبتي لا تنتمي لا لعشيرتهم، ولا لدمهم، لا لأصلهم، ولا حتى لبلدهم

أم صاحبتي تأتي من بلد بعيد، شعبه يتحدث بلغة غير مفهومة، ويعبد إلها غير إلهنا

ولكنها ما شاء الله تعرف قوانين شعبنا أكثر مني ومنكم، وتحفظ منهج عشيرة زوجها على أكمل وجه وتطبقه بالكمال والتمام

عاش شعب يحلل لنفسه ما يحرم لغيره

آه عليك يا صاحبتي

مذكرات عانس 4

I'm No Giant

I went to Munira Complex (opposite to Marks&Spencer) where they have a shop called (My Size). I heard that they have XL shoes. So I went to check it out for the first time. And guess what sizes they have? Not just XL! But XXXL!

Most shops have 41 as their biggest size and very few ones have 42. But this one OMG they start with 43 till 46! Imagine! Yes it is true and I am not kidding!

I stood there startled and started my usual nosey questions like “do you have customers who buy these sizes?” so the information I got from the salesperson is the following:

They get many customers especially as the salesperson described them “men who are like females. They like wearing women’s shoes and they can’t find them anywhere else”.

I immediately remembered the actor Abdul Nasser Darweesh who usually performs as a female and always wondered where he got his shoes from. So she said yes, we get actors too.

The shop has been open for four years.

There was a pair of golden high heels that Oprah Winfrey wears, she said.

Their shoes are made in USA, china, and Indonesia. The pricing ranges between 20 and KD45 which is rather expensive compared to their quality.

Just before I left, I took their card “in case of an emergency” and walked out feeling so petite. It was the first time I’ve ever been to a shoe store where all shoes are bigger than my size.

Oh yes, it feels goooooood.

Life Lessons

"I will meet you yesterday"
"I saw you tomorrow"

You see what’s wrong with these sentences?

I made fun of someone and now I am infected!

The lesson leared: Never, never laugh or make fun of anybody!

**************

On behalf of myself and my species, I am sorry to have caused you THE HORROR

First it was the Oil Spill
Then it was Mad Cow
Now it’s Bird Flu
I wonder what’s next
I hope NOT CHOCOLATE

Yours, Na77ama

Loan

Can you believe that someone took a loan to make girge3an for her kids?

CAN YOU?

I can't, but it's true :/

R U KABAYAN?

Weird things happening these days..

I got an SMS from an anonymous number saying: (I'm typing it the same way I received it)

SMS:Hi, how r u?
Me: who’s this?
SMS:Im Shayne, U remember me?
Me: Shayne who?
SMS: Shayne lopez. R u mr William Briton? The frend of bel? If nt then may I knw u? If u dnt mind.
Me: I only know jenifer lopez ;) so I guess it’s a wrong number dear.
SMS: Hahaha! Im sori, maybe now u got 2 lopez’s Shayne & jennfr. Can we be frends dear?

I didn’t reply..

SMS: What nationality r u? R u my KABAYAN?

Is this a new way of meeting people?

Go away, leave me alone

I was in the midst of my morning tight sleep after spending the whole night catching up with blogs and replying to old comments. I woke up at around 10 and switched on my mobile. My mobile beeped; it was a voice message from my boss. OMG mo rathya etkhaleeni at`hanna eb ejazty. She wanted me to call her for an extremely important issue. Do I feel important or what?

Timaqqa6t in bed trying to ignore her, but I couldn’t do it. Shasawi, 3indi thameer. I know she dared to call because she knows I’m single and probably mitsharqida in bed doing nothing. Yeah, she’s one of those who envy me for not having any responsibilities. Many times she wanted to give me Homework but I decline. She assumes that people like me don’t need vacation or don’t need rest at home.

And so I called, back to my thameer 7ay. I did it because I couldn’t fall asleep again. She greeted me with “embarak 3alailch el shahar”. Imagine! And so I replied with the same. And then she interrupted and changed it to “3eedich embarak, taqabbal Allah 6a3tich”. It seemed that I wasn’t the only one sleeping.

She asked me about something so silly and accused me of some work she thought I did wrong. Only to get a call from her after 3 hours telling me I was right.

And so, my morning plans were messed up and didn’t achieve anything.

Sadia Party

Following Sadia cat diaries...

Sadia cat had a slumber party the next day. She turned out to be a mean cat just like what Salted-caramel said. I was sad that she didn’t invite me over and couldn’t sleep that night thinking what was wrong with me. So I started my yahoo search and found this quiz ; I turned out to be a Persian cat (no wonder my hair falls out).

I am now looking for new friends, are there any Persian cats out there?

My Eid kiss

I was never kissed by a man; other than my close relatives of course. But today, the 3rd day of Eid was special. I got almost kissed by a handsome guy.

I was at some co-op checking out Immac wax strips; when a handsome guy around 20 of age came to me smiling and greeting me with “salamu alaikom”. A guy I’ve never seen in my entire life. He extended his hand for a hand shake while I stood there frozen like a chicken. He leaned forward and wanted to kiss. I froze even more. I was gob smacked. All I was thinking was who he is. Do I know him? Is it polite to hold back the hand shake and the kiss? Should I kiss him back? I didn’t utter a word. I didn’t even ask who he is. I did not move. The only answer I got was this must be the hidden camera show. You know after this Ramadan series of “Sadooh” expect the unexpected, expect sexual harassment. Except this time the actor is young, clean, and handsome.

When the guy saw no response, he leaned back, pushed his cart wheel and went away repeating “salamu alaikom”. I stayed frozen there without a single move watching him as he left and looking around for superman to rescue me from the fright I was in or for the candid camera to show up. A woman came my way telling her daughters “poor man, he’s sick; maskeen mo sa7i”. That’s when my head bulb lit. I walked slow trying to feel at ease again then spotted a man with a cart wheel coming my way again. I wasn’t 100% sure if it was him or not but I felt like I couldn’t stay there anymore. So I ran out of the co-op and bought nothing.

The idea that the guy might be sick didn’t cross my mind because they usually don’t look young and neat. So I only thought that he might be acting this way to get a kiss from me.

Whatever his case was, it’s hard to judge and difficult to control the reaction in such situations. Thank God it was at clear day light at a co-op and not some dark out of sight area.



On another note, how come when I was at the SAS hotel entrance the man in the car in front of me got just a car security check plus my family in the other two cars? While when it was my turn, a Kuwaiti security man came out of his cabinet and asked for my civil ID card? Do I look suspicious or what?

Sadia Home Delivery

Eat me purrr. I'm delicious.



Really delicious.

Full of pride, and I taste better than chicken.

The Monkey

حكايات موزه وخضره

أم موزه تنظر الى ابنتها وتقول

الأم،، والله بشرتك حلوه

موزه تبتسم، تختفي عينيها، تظهر قمازاتها، ويحمر وجهها وتقهقه وتقول

موزه،، يمه، صج

الأم تنظر بكل اعجاب وتقول

الأم،، والله وجهك نضر، بشرتك حلوه، خدودك ورديه، اسنانك تتلامع

موزه تلف وجهها يمينا ويسارا من الخجل لا تدري كيف تعبر عن فرحتها، فتدس وجهها بين ركبتي والدتها، تمسح عليهما وتقهقه وهي في قمة سعادتها وتسأل مره أخرى

موزه،، يمه، صج، صج

الأم هنا تؤكد كلامها

موزه تحاول شرح الموضوع لتقنع نفسها بأنها حلوه أو لربما تبرر مصدر هذه الحلاة

موزه،، نعم، هذا من نور الايمان، هذا من الأكل الذي يورد خدي، هذا من الكبة والتشريبه


هنا تتدخل خضره أخت موزه وتقول

خضره،، هذا كله من كريم البشرة الجديد الذي تستخدمينه

هنا موزه بدأت تفكر، وكأن تعليق أختها الذي بدا اما واقعي أو ينم عن غيره، أيا كان الأمر، موزه حادثت نفسها تحاول معرفة الحقيقة، تحادث نفسها وتقول بصمت

موزه،، هل أنا حقا حلوه، أم أن القرد بعين أمه غزال

مقوله كانت دائما ترددها لها خضره سنين طوال

I Want a Poet

أريده شاعرا

أريد زوجا شاعرا
شكل نزار قباني يعجبني وهو يكتب شعره
وهو يتغنى به
وهو يتغزل به

ولكن

ماذا لو افتضح نفسه
ماذا لو اكتشفت خيانته
أو ظهر نوعا من البغض

هل سأصدق كلامه بأن نصف الشعر خيال
أم سأصدق حدسي ويدق ناقوس الخطر

أظنني لست بأفضل من زوجة نزار قباني
أظنها صبرت كثيرا

أنا والصبر أعداء
لا
لا أريد شاعرا

The count down had begun

The more I grow up, the more I learn about men, the less I want to stick with a man for the rest of my life through marriage.
Now I understand what men mean by wanting to marry a young woman in her late teens. Now I know what they mean by wanting to mold her. Oh yes now I know. Because I don’t think I can get molded now.



I surprise myself with late night inspirations. I know that if I hadn’t written all of the above instantly, I wouldn’t have made it at a later time.

High heels and I

I confess that I have powers or in Kuwaiti terms, bad eyes. I for starters don’t like high heels especially the very thin and very high ones. I think they look cheap and I hate the sound of them. The last high heels I bought had that sound which I hated so I stuck a piece of rubber underneath to prevent the sound.
So to cut the story short, I noticed that whenever I lay my eyes on high heels, the woman trips. Believe me it is not intentional. I swear that it is not. She either trips or her shoes fall. It reached a point that one of my victims had a humpty dumpty great fall. She couldn’t move her feet. She was taken by the ambulance and stayed 2 or 3 weeks at home. She sprained her knees.

I thought that my problem was only with high heels. But, last time I went to the co-op two couples were walking in front of me heading for their car. I was pissed at the man who was totally dependent on his wife. She was pushing the cart wheel full of groceries with her baby seated on the baby seat too. So what happened? Suddenly things started falling from the cart wheel and the husband started colleting cucumbers and the rest of the vegetables which were placed at the bottom of the cart wheel.

I tried to test my powers if they work intentionally like for people who deserve it or people I don’t like but it didn’t work. It all works unconsciously.

Car Crash

Every now and then, I find out that my car has been crashed. When or where? How or by whom? I don’t know. I just fixed my broken light shield a few weeks ago, only to find today that the other is broken too.
I’ve been getting such crashes since I bought my car. I don’t know whether there’s something wrong with my car for getting such sudden crashes, and therefore buy a new one or if this is common in Kuwait.

Two weeks ago I decided to buy a new car, only to get hit the next morning. Was it a sign for me to insist on buying one or the opposite?

The Street Cat

Three days ago I saw a cat lying on the left side of the highway. It appeared to be dead and the reason of death was definitely a car crash. I thought of dialing the emergency number 777 but I wasn’t sure if they’d help as they never helped me. The next day I saw her in the same place but her body was half way squeezed. Yesterday, I saw her bones. And today, I saw her hair only.

She’s been lying there for four days and who knows, I might see her even tomorrow.

When I was driving back home today, thinking of this event I almost crashed a cat but turned away at the last minute. Was it the heaven's vengeance or the dead cat’s curse?

The maid and the doctor

I took our maid today to the doctor. Both her hands were inflamed because of the use of soap. When the doctor saw her, he gasped and said bluntly “What happened to you? What have you done to yourself?!” I didn’t like the way he uttered those words. It sounded like an accusation. Of course she doesn’t understand Arabic so I explained to him in defense!

I despised the doctor for the way he treated her. He ruined the picture I had in mind last time I checked with him when he was surprised at my age. He thought I was twelve years younger and that I entered with another’s civil ID! It was the best compliment I got this year.

Doctors here don’t treat domestic manpower well. For this reason a friend of mine took her maid to a private hospital just to get a proper treatment; a thing that didn’t work there either. To the contrary, they were surprised at how come she was paying for her treatment while she can get it for free. In the end, my friend herself found out what her maid suffered from by guessing because the maid had the same symptoms my friend had one day. And guess what? It turned out to be a serious disease that caused sever pain.

This ill treatment reached the extent that once our maid fell unconscious and when the paramedics arrived they did nothing and told us that she must be pretending. They wouldn’t even touch her or carry her until they finally realized that she was really unconscious! What they did was to use one of our perfumes and when it didn’t work they carried her to hospital with the help of our other maid! Yeah, two men couldn’t carry her alone although she wasn’t fat.

Ligga7

1. New vocab:
Sayyid Shamshoon = Bart Simpson

2. Our maid thinks ligga7 water is wine.

3. A Kuwaiti actress reminds me a lot of Khathooga. Guess who she is?

4. Su7oor tip:
Drink KDD chocolate milk before dawn.

Ramadan Update

1. I’ve become a TV addict.
2. I’m in love with Nizar Qabbani.

أشوه يعرض اخر الليل، لتهدء نفسي وأعصابي بعد التعرض للتلوث الضوضائي والبصري من مشاهدة ممثلات الخليج

This is my impression of Khaleeji actress’

Hisham makes me laugh by the end of the day too after watching too much Khaleeji drama.


عمري ما تحليت على اللهجة السعودية الا بعد سماع هشام

لا أستطيع تقبل تركي كأمير القلوب بعد فشله في برنامج الوادي، شخصيتان متناقضتان تماما

4. I cooked! (had to compete with MsBaker, Equalizer and Ray) Puff pastry filled with mint and cheddar cheese. It was easy but spreading the dough gave me a back ache right after having a massage session (wrong timing).


5. Made a change in my dream man quality list:
Shifted (a good masseur) from (blessing category) in to (essentials).

6. I couldn’t stop giggling when I said hello to a colleague. It was a confusing situation as I didn’t know what to say. She told us that she had a (la7miyya) operation while her sick leave paper said cosmetic nose job.

7. I get a headache when I fast. I miss my morning coffee.

Singing ….(It’s a heart ache)


It’s a headache
Nothing but a headache
Hits you when you’re fasting
Hits you in ramadaaan aaaaan

I miss my coffee
Oh my coffee
Bring me my big mug
Bring me my caffeeeeeine, intake!



8. I gained one kilo.

9. Didn’t start shopping for Eid outfit.

10. Michael Jackson once said:
"I’m Peter Pan at heart"
That’s how I feel now since my b-day is approaching.

11. I can hardly open my eyes and drive in the morning jam.

12. I still haven’t had a vacation this year. I’m waiting for winter. Maybe by then I’d have a ride with The Don.

13. Ok now I can go to bed.

Ramadan

Ramadan ,The month of fasting
Originally uploaded by s3ood.

I wish there was divorce between friends like there is between married people. People change through out the years. Childhood friends though share history, can greatly grow apart mentally and emotionally.

A Soul mate can suffocate
Love turns to hate
A Best friend can turn to
Just a friend


I need a lawyer.


Mubarak 3alaikom el shahar. This is a chance for blogaholics to cut down on their blog addiction. Make use of this holy month. Read Quran, pray more, go to the mosque, ask for forgiveness.

I myself was planning to blog less, but here I am posting since day one! I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.