You ask me why

Dearest Soul,

I cried because I felt pity for myself;
Watching you rehearse your words;
Wanting to be there with you.

I cry because I want you; It hurts.
Sometimes I cry because I love you;
The feeling itself moves me.

I have fear inside;
Fear of the unknown.

Fear of letting go of my feelings and desires;
I wish to break this wall.

This barrier that is making me act like a 15 year old;
Help me release ME.

Free Dumb

The thrill of an adventure,

To save a world from hunger,

Many have their own purposes,

To make a worldly emphasis,

Some are brainwashed fools,

Used as human tools

A few,

One or two,

Are true.

Hypnotized

Hypnotized
Fertilized
A touch of power
A feeling that is sour
You saw the sign
I had to decline
Dizzy looking at your finger tip
My head's fallen to my hip
I felt like a micro chip
Bedazzled by your hand's grip

Hypnotized
Fertilized

Quest

I feel that something is missing but I don't know what it is. I feel lost. I feel alone, so alone. Maybe I'm missing some friends? Maybe I'm sick of my boss, my job, the atmosphere I work in. Maybe it's all these reasons together.

Suffocation

Dehydration

Dust

Lust

Man quest

Man's chest

I adhere

I cohere

Chains

Stains

Wrapped up

Fallen down

I sleep

Deep sleep

Night

Dark

White eye

Black cat

A little girl's whisper

Flames, wake up

It's just a dream

A fancy dream

Wake up

A green stream

of hopes

of dreams

of fairies

of monkeys

hanging on my chest

tickling my neck

squeezing my arm

Flames, wake up

it's your judgment day.

Where Art Thou?

I sing a song,
I call your name;
but no one answers

The echo of your name,
of my own voice;
is all I hear

I Say a Little Prayer

I say a little prayer

A prayer to redeem you
A prayer to destroy you
A prayer to collide your world
To break the heart of your soul

A prayer;

that is not a prayer

Do You Remember?

Do you remember?
When we used to play?
We hid, we ran
We jumped, we sang
We danced, we fooled with each other
And then
We grew up
We grew apart
But I know
I am still in your heart

The mark you left on my right hand is still there
Your way of showing love was by beating me
The more you beat me, the more I felt your love
I knew you just wanted to tease me
I knew you just wanted to please me

Those memories cannot be forgotten
When I am mad at this world
I lay back on my bed
Close my eyes
And just remember and dream of my younger years
I change sides
With a smile on my face
I sigh
And sometimes I wake up and laugh

Sweet days they were
Sweet memories they are
Sweet dreams they will always be

I am forever thankful
For the sweetness you added to my life
No one
And I mean no one
Ever replaced you
Except a few fake copies of you

I will forever be
Grateful


Inspired by Aisha ElMarta

The Day She Learnt

Once upon a time

There was a girl

Who wanted to fall in love

She went up a cliff

and jumped

She fell on a flower

It was a rose

Thorns punctured her soft skin

But the rose petals wiped away her blood stains

It was the day she learnt what love is

It hurts

It makes you cry

But it wipes away your tears.............. softly

A Cry

I am tired of thinking of possibilities
The more I think, the more my hair turns to white
I want to sleep and have sweet dreams
How do you do that?
How can I not think of you?
How can I let you in my dream?
Without worrying about my boss
or reaching work on time?
How can I not tremble when I speak to you?
How can my heart not beat when I see you?
How can I not look at you, and see the beautiful me inside of you?
How can I set myself free of your crush?
How can I not walk without you on my mind in everything I do
How can I?
How can I enjoy myself when you're not there?
How can I hide how I feel when they mention your name?
How can I?
How can I lie about the truth
How can I see you as a lie?
How can I lie at you? at myself? at them?
I and you can see,
but they can feel
It is there
It is everywhere
It is capturing their hearts
and mine too
But what is capturing yours?
Is it me?
or is it them?
Can you see me?
Can you feel me?
I know you can
But
Can you feel how deep it is?
Do you understand my acts?
My stares?
My moodiness?
I know they can
I know you can
I know I can't stop
I want more and more
But it has to end

While Holding Her

Lieing on my chest; deep asleep.
Snoring helplessly; nose is stuffed.
I wished for winter, now I want Summer back.
She shivers and quivers; my heart leaps.
She cries,her face reddens; she lets out gas.
She pulls a strand, grasp my collar; shows amazing strength from a body so petite.
I feel a great big gap as I pull her from my chest and lay her in a basket sized bed.
I sit back on my rocking chair and wait for her next nap.

Pleasurable

Love freshens,
Cleanse,
Feeds

I would give anything for a moment of love
It's the most pleasurable feeling
It's why God created us

Happy people are loved
Loved people live longer
Love is the cure for all illness'

It's the rule of the world
When adapted;
Peace would conquer

Belonging

It feels good
I feel cared for, admired
A feeling that's new to me;

It makes me fly;
It makes my veins dance;
My vocal cords sing,

And most of all, it makes me feel feminine.
A feeling I've missed for so long.

When I look into my soul,
I see my 7 year old self playing with Ken and Barbie
In a light blue world that is peaceful,
comfortable,
and where everything I wish for becomes true within my hands

My hands that used to make Ken and Barbie hug in the little garden of barbeer I collected from my moms diet salad.

My Name

My name never sounded as beautiful;
until the day you called me

It carried so many meanings,
so many feelings

My name; imprisoned me

Slurp

Glued to my laptop
Waiting for my daily slurp of fresh honey mixed with whole fat milk

It is not enough
I need more

I need the whole danish company on my lap
and forever slurp, my honeyed milk






مبارك عليكم الشهر

Mushy

I've been writing things but feeling too restricted to post. I don't feel like it's the safe quiet blog like it used to. I've been reading psychologies magazine , a new addiction, and there was a good article about creative writing. The advice is wake up 30 minutes earlier and write whatever comes to mind even when you don't know what to write about just stare at the wall and write what you see. When you're done, don't read what you wrote, just hide it and that's it. The mind in the morning is most clear of the day's worries so it's the best time for creative writing.

Most of my writings are done this way, not in the morning ofcourse since I'm usually rushing to work, but whenever inspiration hits in, pouring it in to paper or keyboard, saving it, and not reading it gives the best results. The more you think, delete or correct, the more it gets difficult.

There were many times in which I posted then deleted what I wrote. I hope I don't get to do this anymore. Flamingoliya, just pretend blogspot is your safetybox, and that no one is reading, except some dear ones whom their inbox sometimes gets filled with my random thoughts.

This Arabic piece is edited by Broke , many thanks to her!
Updated at 3:00 PM

بين ليلة و ضحاها

وجدت نفسي أسيرة لإهتمامه

لرجولته

لسلطته

و لأشياء كثيرة

لم تهزني في رجل غيره

أنا التي لطالما عشقت الحرية

أصبحت في قفصه .. بلا جناحين

أطير

أطير

أطير

فكلمة منه تروي روحي

المتعطشة للكلام الجميل

و همسة منه تجلعني أرى

الحائط الأبيض أمامي أخضراً

و صوت دعايات ام بي سي تو

عصافير مغردة

و لكن يا لسعادتي و شقائي

بما يفعله في دنياي و قلبي

فحبنا بلا أمل

و إعجابي بلا تعبير

و أمام كل تلك الحواجز

التي تفصلنا عن بعضنا

لا أملك إلا أن أحبه عن بعد

و أمضي

I am put on hold
My life stands still
I enjoy the moment
and wish it lasts forever

Chambers of my heart
are filled with his love
but once reality bites
my chambers empty
because of messages my brain sends
that vacums every rust
every stain
leaving me with only pain

Pain that withers
but then blooms
as soon as I listen to his tunes
be careful, go to sleep, it's not safe there
All birds are chippering
in my hearts trees

Let us both agree
to worship this devine love
this sacred insanity
Let us grow
let us play
let us run
let us sing
let us tickle
what is left in our hearts chains

I don't know why, but sometimes I hate reading people's mushy posts. I wish no one feels this way when reading mine!

Inner struggle

He calls;
I'm vulnerable;
I don't pick up the phone.

He sends a message;
I am relieved;
I don't have to call back.

The next day;
I am depressed;
I need to talk to someone.

I lay on my bed
He calls
I watch his name blinking on the screen;

Calling me "rescue is here",
and my mind tells me "the devil is here";
I ignore.

He hangs up
I feel guilty and yet,
I feel great relief

I defeated the devil

Younger Guys

Younger guys;
they are sweet,
they are tender,
they make you feel younger

They are fun,
they are as cute as honey bun.
They make you quiver,
under the hot Summer sun

Younger guys
are good for your health;
You can run
You can play
You can even fool with clay

Younger guys
are understanding
and are not so demanding

Younger guys
respect you
and are a good tease

Older guys
Who needs them?
They are only good in squeaking farts

Loving Teddybear

I burn with jealousy when you mention her name
I wish it was me
but maybe it's for the best
Who knows what would happen if it was for us alone
I know I cannot handle you
but can you handle me?
I still feel the stir I felt when we climbed down the stairs that day
It was one of the best moments in my life
Solitude with my one and only
Unintended intentions
Innocent acts that aren't so innocent
Teddy bear, youth, fun, humour,
You are all the best things
Everything is perfect in you
I don't deserve you

Proving

He used to tell me that love doesn't exist
She used to tell me that there's no happy love

I used to insist that love exists
I used to dream of happy love, though I suffered

He proved me wrong
I proved her right

Mommy Doesn't Love Me

Mommy doesn’t hug me
Mommy doesn’t miss me
Mommy doesn’t love me
Mommy doesn’t miss me

She shouts and screams;
To make me tidy my sheets
She becomes mad;
When I play with our neighbor lad

She slaps my face,
When she finds us race;
No tomboy I want to raise

Tidy your room
Hide your dollies
And dress;
My friends I want to impress

Smile and don’t giggle
Walk in grace and don’t wiggle
A daughter she wants perfect;
My soul is corrupted

I plead you my cyber mommy;
Your love,
Your tender touch;
Would definitely make me jolly

Mommy doesn’t hug me
Mommy doesn’t miss me
Mommy doesn’t love me
Mommy doesn’t miss me

Copyright@Flamingoliya