Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Who Killed Her?

I wanted to keep her teeth; they always fascinated me, but my aunt wouldn't let me
I remember when she used to scare me off by moving them in her mouth
I remember getting scared but laughing at the same time

She was Marry Poppins with kubbat buqul in her pocket
She always kept a spare sandwich in her big black bag in case anyone got hungry

When my little cousin knew she passed away, he said "why her? she was my best grandmother" and when my nephew knew, he asked "who killed her?"

I didn't feel like she was really gone until the ambulance took her body
at that moment, I felt the real meaning of "Goodbye"
I was saying goodbye to someone I will never see again, whether dead or alive

It was the first time I see a dead body
It was the same face, same expression
Nothing looked different, except that she was lying quite

One of her eyelids was a bit open and I felt her looking at me
No one knows what happens in the dead world, except dead people
One said that she was there listening to us; the other ridiculed her
I didn't know what to think
I felt blank

All I knew that I had to look at her face, a face I won't see again
Memories popped in, thoughts of death, I even imagined myself lying in her place
Who would be around me?
Will I be old or young?
Lying because of sickness, or an accident
People warned before my death, or a sudden death
Crying for me, or for the thought of death
Some may cry, you think it's for you, but deep inside, you just triggered an old emotion or a future thought

When we're alone, we talk as if it's just another day
But when people come, they hug you, pinch you with their mustache, wet your cheek with their saliva, and willingly make you want to cry
Like everything I do, I need to have perfect settings and mood for crying
My lenses felt dry, my chest felt pressured
I sip a cup of tea
I watch the play of a funeral
I remain in a state of shock
Unaware of how I should feel


Jewaira said...

Very sensitively and thoughtfully written. I am sorry for your loss.

Flamingoliya said...

thank you dear jewaira