Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Infidelity or Marriage?


Inspired by Aquamarine's post on men cheating in marriages; I’ve come to think of what would be a better hell, your man cheating on you or marrying someone else?

العشيقة أم الشريكة

41 comments:

بومريوم said...

خياران احلاهما مر..
بس يظل الزواج هو الخيار الافضل برايى..على الاقل اذا نكد عليهم الزوج ممكن يصير تعاون مشترك علشان ينكدون عليه حياته:)

shosho said...

The mistress, and for many reasons which I numerate "below":

1- Wives tend to accumulate, but not mistresses. This has to do with the nature of mistresses themselves. They tend to be less tolerant when it comes to sharing their man with another mistress. So if he decided to have an additional mistress, she will do the kick-ass for me.
2- It will give me a valid reason to kill/ divorce him.
3- If I decided to kill them I would get a milder sentence.
4- Her kids will never share the inheritance with mine.
5- I can pretend she doesn't exist if I wish.
6- Technically he cannot share half his time with her as a legal wife, because she has no legal status to demand the "one night per woman" rule.
7- Legally, he is not financially obligated to her.
8- She can never share the house with me.
9- I will always be the wronged angel no matter what horrors I do to them.
10- She can have him when I am "not in the mood".
11- He will always feel guilty towards me.
12- He ,and other people, will realize what kind of jerk he is without me pointing it out, which is good, and saves my energy.
13- I will get more "ajer".
14- The servants can do their job now, he is too busy with the mistress to harrass them.
15- The extra shagging and bad conscience will make him lose weight, and look sexier.
16- I will lose weight because of my sufferings, and will try to have a new look, which makes me look sexier.
17- Women will envy me for his super powers.
18- But their envy will not reach the level of hating me because of my sufferings.
19- He will shower me with gifts and displays of affection to cover up his crime.
20- After all that, he is the one who will be sent to hell, not me.

shosho said...

Hmmm, just realized that's a long comment, perhaps I should post it on my blog...

Vintage said...

remarriage.. how ever hurtful that can be.

Purgatory said...

don't get married in the first place wo feko 3omrkom :P

AL-3ANAN said...

i just wanna comment 3ala u r 18 till u die (ba3ad 3omr 6wel inshalla)
u r just like me bas am older than u am 21 till die ;)
alla ya36eech 6olat el 3omer inshalla

Vintage said...

purgatory72.. mit3a8id? do tell..plz

Jewaira said...

Hmmm
This seems to be a hot topic these days. Sheba has posted on something similar.

If he wanted to get married, I wouldn't mind.
If he had a lover, and was discreet about it, I wouldn't mind either.

But if he married another, I would want to know well in advance. I would accept it bit with permission.

However, if he had a lover, I would not want to know at all.

Purgatory said...

Vintage,

tell shno? and what does 8 mean (still catching up)

Purgatory said...

hmm, got it. K.D.D. :P

Aquamarine said...

marrying someone else.

Farooha said...

I think if he were to marry another lady it would be worse.
With a mistress, he's the jerk. And since it's discreet it would save face at least in public. And even if people were to find out and monger it one day, I'd still be the good one. People usually blame the first wife when a man marries a second wife. "hea kanat mga9ra ma3ah" or any other absurd justification of some such.
At least, al nas tiskit.

Vintage said...

shosho's comment is so well put and justifying, reminds me of good lawyers who bring a serial killer face to a sheepish innocent one :) very well put.

purgatory, u said dont marry all together, do you have a sad experience in marriage? or u realise men can't live without cheating.. so mafrooth i7na nray7 3omorna n not marry from the firstplace?

Bare Feet said...

Neither of them..
Ma7ad majboor ye3eesh 3eesha ebyekraha

Desert Girl said...

He should DIE DIE DIE!!!! :)
That solves that predicament.

If you are going to cheat - why get married? Why stay married?

If you are going to marry a 2nd wife - can you be 100% sure that you will treat her 100% equally as the other wife? I seriously doubt it.

And this BS about staying married for the kids:
You are teaching your kids that it is okay to be unhappy - ergo repeating the cycle. Who wants THAT for their kids?

Purgatory said...

Vintage, I never was married, hence no sad experience. And yes I say do not get married and then you do not have to complain about cheating.

Flamingoliya said...

Welcome bumaryoom, Al-3anan, Farooha, Barefeet and Amerab :)

Thank you all for you comments. I must admit that I am now more confused! You see, all your arguments are valid!


Bumaryoom,
It’s interesting how two wives would fight together against their husband. I’m not sure if it really happens in life; as most shirayich are at war against each other.

Shosho,
VERY interesting, detailed comment. I never ever thought of the pros of a mistress. Number 16 3ajeeb. All points are actual, and I somehow felt relieved incase this thing ever happened to me. One major concern would be health issues.

Your long comment is much appreciated and copyrighted by you, hence, you are free to post it on your blog :D

Flamingoliya said...

Vintage,
Haven’t you changed your mind after shosho’s comment? :p

Purg,
That is the easiest fuss free solution :p

Al-3anan,
Allah esalmich wikhaleech but “I beg to differ” 3ala golat Vintage. I think 18 a7la;
license to drive, college and freedom ;)


Jewaira,
Yes I am surprised! I checked it out at sheba. Was posted on the same timing too.
"If he had a lover, and was discreet about it, I wouldn't mind either" this somehow reminded me of chewing gum :p
I don't know about not wanting to know if a husband has a mistress, I guess my view point would be different if I were married.

Flamingoliya said...

Aquamarine,
Straight direct answer :)

Farooha,
"With a mistress, he's the jerk" I totally agree.

Bare feet,
That is my perfect answer. WHY SUFFER!

Amerab,
I can hear you say DIE DIE DIE.. LOL
Even if wives were treated materially equal, it's never emotionally equal. So I agree.
You have a good point about kids, never thought of it this way. It is true!!

Purgatory said...

adree :P

Flamingoliya said...

I know someone whose husband keeps cheating on her. She keeps quiet about it hoping he'd become a better man one day. She doesn't make a fuss out of it; her family doesn't even know. She doesn't want to get divorced for the sake of her 2 children. But to my surprise, she kept breeding and now they've become 3 kids. A married lady doesn't know who to turn to, satisfied with her life and career.

She only thinks "where would I go when I get divorced?!"
At least I have a husband who pays for the kids and my own home.

When she confronted him and asked why the hell you married me then. He simply said that he didn't know he would not be able to stop playing around; she isn't enough.

My most concern now since she's adapting to it, is health issues!!!

Flamingoliya said...

purg dear
i know that you know. i even knew your answer before you posted it.

Purgatory said...

I know that you knew what I said is known.

Purgatory said...

I know that you knew what I said is known.

Flamingoliya said...

:p

Purgatory said...

go comment 3ala sa7btech :P

Hopeless Poet said...

Flamingoliya:
the story that you have mentioned shows the validity of this rule: once a player, always a player.
but still some girls are stupid enough to think that the player will change for them :p

Flamingoliya said...

purg, you said it all!

poet,
hmmm!!!

:(

what if she didn't know about him being a player before marriage!

Hopeless Poet said...

i am not talking about girls who were cheated, i am talking about those girls who know that the guy is a player yet they fall for him thinking that they are superwomen and they will be able to change him.

Flamingoliya said...

oh ok :)

Bare Feet said...

HOPELESS POET
i dont think its fair.. to call these girls STUPID.. some of them might be attracted to the challanges that come with a 9aye3 boy... they usually get over the guy once they've got him.. or dump him when hes the way they have made him out to be.. or liver misrably with him

Aquamarine said...

i agree with Hopeless Poet. there's this arabic saying that says something like: u can never fix a crooked tree? madri something like that. that applies for players too. women who feel themselves capable of changing them will find it hopeless, and instead.. and if they really wanna be with them then they're just adjusting themselves to the men, not changing them.

Flamingoliya said...

barefeet,
i guess that's why he called them stupid, cuz their relationship isn't healthy and won't last especially if marriage is in question.

aquamarine,
true :/

Hopeless Poet said...

Bare Feet:
Well they are stupid :)
Why would a girl put herself in a challenge knowing that there is too much to lose and not much to gain except for a guy who will be labeled as an ex-player who will return to play again once he gets bored, that is, if she ever manages to change him? In the process she may lose her dignity, her family, her friends, and even herself because, as aquamarine said, usually the girl adjusts herself to fit that guy, meaning she will lower her standards so that she will be in his level. At the end this player will dump her.

Aquamarine:
Thank you and 9a7 elsanich :D

Flamingoliya:
9a7 elsanich enty ba3ad :P

Flamingoliya said...

poet,
e7em :)

TANTALIZE said...

I just wrote an article about why/how men may cheat. Maybe it will shed light in what your are looking for!

Flamingoliya said...

tantalize
will check, can you specify which post?

TANTALIZE said...

We (both males and females) are all players in one form or degree to another! So, when a female says that men are players, then that would mean females have some magnitude of playing themselves! How would a female recognize how she's been played if she's never played on someone else before, herself?

And if we are not players, then we are nice, and when we are overly nice, we become boring and then the whole playing game recycles itself and starts once again!

Flamingoliya said...

Tantalize,
a woman doesn't have to be a player in order to know that her husband cheats. and even if she didn't know that by herself, she would hear about it from people around or in many cases the husband would just confess as it is sometimes easy to know just from one SMS message.
there are female players, but that is not my topic here.
being nice is nice. being overly nice and to be taken as boring then the problem would be the female's.

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