Sunday, July 17, 2005

heffff




I hate it when I get used to people; all kinds of people. People I like and people I don’t like much. It’s what they call it in Kuwaiti (el 3ishra) and in Egyptian (3aish oo mal7). It is strange how you feel it with people you didn’t know you cared for.

My first cry in public was when I was 10. She was my English teacher who came for a short period of time to practice teaching. The day she told us that it is time to leave I found myself shedding tears. I remember feeling miserably sad and shocked by her leaving. I loved her so much. You know how some teachers were strict, others may beat, but that teacher was an angel. Maybe because she was still young or still practicing; all I know is that I loved her so much and so did the rest of the class.

I cried too when a fellow employee wanted to leave. His contract was over and there was no renewal. I was feeling sad that I’d miss him being around. But what made me shed tears is when I found an enveloped letter on my desk from him. It was hand written and the content was dramatic. I couldn’t hold my tears and started crying at work. And by that I don’t mean tearing only but crying; crying like a baby.

I feel this way too when I think of traveling. I can’t bare the thought of leaving home, my family and my room. Oh well, even my bath room. I even miss home even when I go to chalet. Some times I spend many hours outside home that I start to miss it. I feel depressed when I think of traveling. I feel choked with tears when my parents drop me at the airport. I still haven’t cried at such occasion. Maybe because I am always emotionally prepared unlike sudden events like the ones mentioned above.

I feel like crying when I see my nephew laughing. I feel like crying when I see my sick grandmother lying for what seems forever in her bed. I feel like crying when grandpa doesn’t remember who I am. I feel like crying when I see my best friend happily married. I feel like crying at weddings even if I didn’t know the bride and groom. And when it’s the wedding of people close to my heart, I feel numb.


My nephew’s hug without me asking for it; is the best thing that ever happened to me. I miss kissing his tiny chubby hands, biting his tummy, and tickling the bottom of his feet.

I miss O, who used to clean our WC at work. It stinks now.
N, I wish you ignore those ignorant people at work; I don’t want you to have a heart attack.
A, I wish he becomes a real man and appreciate you.
Myself, I wish you make up your mind.
I wish to know if my childhood nanny is still alive.


heffff (A Tweety-like kinda heffff)
I hate posting such posts.

17 comments:

iDip said...

:) cheer up Flamingoliya,

that's life, maybe you're so nostalgic to people and places, but every now and then you need to solidify your feelings.
I miss a lot of people I know/knew, but still I can’t do anything about it, they’re either unreachable or dead.
I have a motto in life that I imply on others and myself:
ههنا نزلنا ثم ارتحلنا
هكذا الدنيا نزول و ارتحال

um_ilma3arik said...

ba3ad 3umri wala ;** wala ythakirni ib hal saying: "ili yabeena 3ayat il nafs tab'3eeh, wili nabeeh 3aya il ba5at layijeebah" o hathi 7agich miny;)

ygoooool ili sahar laila o shal ilbo3d fee wailah yi7iiii6 il ham wiysheelah yi3id il wagt wisa3aaaa YUBA latindaaaaaam 3ala ma faat!!!

yala hope it makes u feel better

Ra-1 said...

I feel like crying after reading this post :\

Shopaholic Q8eya said...

I hate the fact that everytime you become good friends with someone, one of you have to go away.

Spontaneousnessity said...

wwwwhhy would you do that! :~( seriously I had Goosebumps on and off with every paragraph!! I get to feel like that sometimes too.. I hate when I get this feeling.. you should let it out, take a long drive or scream into a pillow .. I hope you get to feel better :(

and shopa .. wwwhhhhyyy!!!! :~(

Salted-Caramel said...

**HUG**

Flamingoliya said...

Idip, thanks alot for the advice and welcome to my blog :)
nazool warti7al, kilmitain e3awroon el galb.

UM-ilma3arik
ee wallah sajja, el bakhat 3ayaz wohwa e3ayey. thank you and I do feel OK, I just had those thoughts that I needed to write down :)

Ra-1 :* don't cry. I guess it's a wrong timing for my post :/


Shopa yeah :/ I hate that too. wouldn't it be better if we can detach as easy as when we attach?


Spontana sorry my post made you sad :/ I felt like writing those down. i hugged my teddy and slept well ;)

Salty :*

Broke said...

Flam .. Sh3end Broke !

As usual .. you express the inexpressible ..

Sometimes I wonder if such feelings are a gift or a curse ..

I don't know ..!

The problem is that u can't change being sensitive 2 such issues ..We are born with it ..

The worst situation that made cry was when I left my previous job .. where I was working with al3anan .. They laughed at me cause I only stayed with them 6 months ... fa shako abchy .. !

عالية said...

Broke

I think it's a gift

Flam

Very touchy. Being emotionaly detached is a curse.
And btw, I feel like crying when i go to 3aza to people far from me, while people close to me I feel numb too.

عالية said...

Maybe it's the shock

Shopaholic Q8eya said...

I wish we could, but I guess not ;/

Flamingoliya said...

Broke
well Broke and Flam are friends and they have the same thoughts ;)

"As usual .. you express the inexpressible .." I am flattered :* I can blabber alot about dramatic issues. Just ask ;) hehe

"life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think" that would be my answer :/

people who worked with you must have been great :) good thing you're friends with al3anan even when you changed jobs :)

Tinky:
In the world we live in today, it seems to be a blessing.
and yes shock, I agree.

Shopa, lets just wish blogspot.com remains our friend forever ;) hehe

Ms.Baker said...

I loved the chubby baby feet and hands, Flaming :)
And it is just a phase, you will feel better soon, it will pass. We all go through it.

3ala fikra, mabrook on your new blog, I love it, badda3tay. Also, I only just saw an email you sent me loooong ago... I am so bad, I never check my email anymore so sam7eeni.

PeTiTa said...

WOOOW let it all out, sweetie! Your post was so touching I know how you feel. I also love hugs from my baby cousins their so sweet and innocent. *LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF HUGS!*

Flamingoliya said...

MsBaker, no worries about the email and thank you for the encouragement! :)

M, thaaaanks :)

samboose said...

Don't get upset about getting so emotional, it shows you have a great big heart which in this day and age is rare. Love all that's around you, embrace your tears and never think it's a sign of weakness. It takes a bigger person to put their gaurd down and show their emotion rather than bottling it all up. I encourage voicing or showing how you feel, it shows you care.

Flamingoliya said...

Samboose thanks and welcome :)