The Monkey

حكايات موزه وخضره

أم موزه تنظر الى ابنتها وتقول

الأم،، والله بشرتك حلوه

موزه تبتسم، تختفي عينيها، تظهر قمازاتها، ويحمر وجهها وتقهقه وتقول

موزه،، يمه، صج

الأم تنظر بكل اعجاب وتقول

الأم،، والله وجهك نضر، بشرتك حلوه، خدودك ورديه، اسنانك تتلامع

موزه تلف وجهها يمينا ويسارا من الخجل لا تدري كيف تعبر عن فرحتها، فتدس وجهها بين ركبتي والدتها، تمسح عليهما وتقهقه وهي في قمة سعادتها وتسأل مره أخرى

موزه،، يمه، صج، صج

الأم هنا تؤكد كلامها

موزه تحاول شرح الموضوع لتقنع نفسها بأنها حلوه أو لربما تبرر مصدر هذه الحلاة

موزه،، نعم، هذا من نور الايمان، هذا من الأكل الذي يورد خدي، هذا من الكبة والتشريبه


هنا تتدخل خضره أخت موزه وتقول

خضره،، هذا كله من كريم البشرة الجديد الذي تستخدمينه

هنا موزه بدأت تفكر، وكأن تعليق أختها الذي بدا اما واقعي أو ينم عن غيره، أيا كان الأمر، موزه حادثت نفسها تحاول معرفة الحقيقة، تحادث نفسها وتقول بصمت

موزه،، هل أنا حقا حلوه، أم أن القرد بعين أمه غزال

مقوله كانت دائما ترددها لها خضره سنين طوال

I Want a Poet

أريده شاعرا

أريد زوجا شاعرا
شكل نزار قباني يعجبني وهو يكتب شعره
وهو يتغنى به
وهو يتغزل به

ولكن

ماذا لو افتضح نفسه
ماذا لو اكتشفت خيانته
أو ظهر نوعا من البغض

هل سأصدق كلامه بأن نصف الشعر خيال
أم سأصدق حدسي ويدق ناقوس الخطر

أظنني لست بأفضل من زوجة نزار قباني
أظنها صبرت كثيرا

أنا والصبر أعداء
لا
لا أريد شاعرا

The count down had begun

The more I grow up, the more I learn about men, the less I want to stick with a man for the rest of my life through marriage.
Now I understand what men mean by wanting to marry a young woman in her late teens. Now I know what they mean by wanting to mold her. Oh yes now I know. Because I don’t think I can get molded now.



I surprise myself with late night inspirations. I know that if I hadn’t written all of the above instantly, I wouldn’t have made it at a later time.

High heels and I

I confess that I have powers or in Kuwaiti terms, bad eyes. I for starters don’t like high heels especially the very thin and very high ones. I think they look cheap and I hate the sound of them. The last high heels I bought had that sound which I hated so I stuck a piece of rubber underneath to prevent the sound.
So to cut the story short, I noticed that whenever I lay my eyes on high heels, the woman trips. Believe me it is not intentional. I swear that it is not. She either trips or her shoes fall. It reached a point that one of my victims had a humpty dumpty great fall. She couldn’t move her feet. She was taken by the ambulance and stayed 2 or 3 weeks at home. She sprained her knees.

I thought that my problem was only with high heels. But, last time I went to the co-op two couples were walking in front of me heading for their car. I was pissed at the man who was totally dependent on his wife. She was pushing the cart wheel full of groceries with her baby seated on the baby seat too. So what happened? Suddenly things started falling from the cart wheel and the husband started colleting cucumbers and the rest of the vegetables which were placed at the bottom of the cart wheel.

I tried to test my powers if they work intentionally like for people who deserve it or people I don’t like but it didn’t work. It all works unconsciously.

Car Crash

Every now and then, I find out that my car has been crashed. When or where? How or by whom? I don’t know. I just fixed my broken light shield a few weeks ago, only to find today that the other is broken too.
I’ve been getting such crashes since I bought my car. I don’t know whether there’s something wrong with my car for getting such sudden crashes, and therefore buy a new one or if this is common in Kuwait.

Two weeks ago I decided to buy a new car, only to get hit the next morning. Was it a sign for me to insist on buying one or the opposite?

The Street Cat

Three days ago I saw a cat lying on the left side of the highway. It appeared to be dead and the reason of death was definitely a car crash. I thought of dialing the emergency number 777 but I wasn’t sure if they’d help as they never helped me. The next day I saw her in the same place but her body was half way squeezed. Yesterday, I saw her bones. And today, I saw her hair only.

She’s been lying there for four days and who knows, I might see her even tomorrow.

When I was driving back home today, thinking of this event I almost crashed a cat but turned away at the last minute. Was it the heaven's vengeance or the dead cat’s curse?

The maid and the doctor

I took our maid today to the doctor. Both her hands were inflamed because of the use of soap. When the doctor saw her, he gasped and said bluntly “What happened to you? What have you done to yourself?!” I didn’t like the way he uttered those words. It sounded like an accusation. Of course she doesn’t understand Arabic so I explained to him in defense!

I despised the doctor for the way he treated her. He ruined the picture I had in mind last time I checked with him when he was surprised at my age. He thought I was twelve years younger and that I entered with another’s civil ID! It was the best compliment I got this year.

Doctors here don’t treat domestic manpower well. For this reason a friend of mine took her maid to a private hospital just to get a proper treatment; a thing that didn’t work there either. To the contrary, they were surprised at how come she was paying for her treatment while she can get it for free. In the end, my friend herself found out what her maid suffered from by guessing because the maid had the same symptoms my friend had one day. And guess what? It turned out to be a serious disease that caused sever pain.

This ill treatment reached the extent that once our maid fell unconscious and when the paramedics arrived they did nothing and told us that she must be pretending. They wouldn’t even touch her or carry her until they finally realized that she was really unconscious! What they did was to use one of our perfumes and when it didn’t work they carried her to hospital with the help of our other maid! Yeah, two men couldn’t carry her alone although she wasn’t fat.

Ligga7

1. New vocab:
Sayyid Shamshoon = Bart Simpson

2. Our maid thinks ligga7 water is wine.

3. A Kuwaiti actress reminds me a lot of Khathooga. Guess who she is?

4. Su7oor tip:
Drink KDD chocolate milk before dawn.

Ramadan Update

1. I’ve become a TV addict.
2. I’m in love with Nizar Qabbani.

أشوه يعرض اخر الليل، لتهدء نفسي وأعصابي بعد التعرض للتلوث الضوضائي والبصري من مشاهدة ممثلات الخليج

This is my impression of Khaleeji actress’

Hisham makes me laugh by the end of the day too after watching too much Khaleeji drama.


عمري ما تحليت على اللهجة السعودية الا بعد سماع هشام

لا أستطيع تقبل تركي كأمير القلوب بعد فشله في برنامج الوادي، شخصيتان متناقضتان تماما

4. I cooked! (had to compete with MsBaker, Equalizer and Ray) Puff pastry filled with mint and cheddar cheese. It was easy but spreading the dough gave me a back ache right after having a massage session (wrong timing).


5. Made a change in my dream man quality list:
Shifted (a good masseur) from (blessing category) in to (essentials).

6. I couldn’t stop giggling when I said hello to a colleague. It was a confusing situation as I didn’t know what to say. She told us that she had a (la7miyya) operation while her sick leave paper said cosmetic nose job.

7. I get a headache when I fast. I miss my morning coffee.

Singing ….(It’s a heart ache)


It’s a headache
Nothing but a headache
Hits you when you’re fasting
Hits you in ramadaaan aaaaan

I miss my coffee
Oh my coffee
Bring me my big mug
Bring me my caffeeeeeine, intake!



8. I gained one kilo.

9. Didn’t start shopping for Eid outfit.

10. Michael Jackson once said:
"I’m Peter Pan at heart"
That’s how I feel now since my b-day is approaching.

11. I can hardly open my eyes and drive in the morning jam.

12. I still haven’t had a vacation this year. I’m waiting for winter. Maybe by then I’d have a ride with The Don.

13. Ok now I can go to bed.

Ramadan

Ramadan ,The month of fasting
Originally uploaded by s3ood.

I wish there was divorce between friends like there is between married people. People change through out the years. Childhood friends though share history, can greatly grow apart mentally and emotionally.

A Soul mate can suffocate
Love turns to hate
A Best friend can turn to
Just a friend


I need a lawyer.


Mubarak 3alaikom el shahar. This is a chance for blogaholics to cut down on their blog addiction. Make use of this holy month. Read Quran, pray more, go to the mosque, ask for forgiveness.

I myself was planning to blog less, but here I am posting since day one! I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.

Memoirs of a Single Girl (4)

مذكرات عانس 4

الخطيب التحفة

Singing for Shania Twain:
It’s in the way you love me
It’s in the way you hold me

... It’s in the way you propose to me!

لست أنت فقط، بل مجموعة أخرى مثلك
أهلى يطلبون مني أن أفكر بك قبل أن أرفضك، كيف أفكر بك وقد حكمت عليك منذ الوهلة الأولى
نعم، الانطباع الأول له مفعوله، وأعتقد بأنه واقعي
أنت تأتيني الى السيارة وتطلب يدي مباشرة وتطلب مني أن أفكر بالموضوع على الرغم من أني لا أعرفك بتاتا
أنت مجرد زميل لي لا أعرف سوى اسمك، ولم يسبق لنا اللقاء أو الحديث معا

أما الآخر، يأتيني الى المكتب يعرفني باسمه ثم يطلب رقم هاتف المنزل

والثالث، يهاتف زميلاتي للسؤال عن تحركاتي، ومن ثم يرسل أخته لكي تخطبني مباشرة بالهاتف، دون أخذ والدي بعين الاعتبار، وتفتضحك أختك وتقول بأن لبسي يعجبك، كيف لي أن أتعجب، فنحن لم نتقابل قط

اما الرابع والذي أطلق عليه الخطيب التحفة
يتصل بي في مقر عملي، يسلم علي ويبدي اعجابه ورغبته بالارتباط بي، على الرغم من أني لا أعرفه بتاتا ولم أشاهده قط، لا يعترف بخطبتي مباشرة من أهلي الا بعد التعرف علي بغرض الزواج، وحين رفضت فكرة التعرف من وراء أهلي

ماذا حدث

شتم وسب يمسني ويمس أهلي

أرد وأقول

It’s in the way you propose to me

P.S. I haven't finished part 3 yet.

مذكرات عانس 5

Sometimes.. (Part 2)

..I really scare myself.

Part 1

Whom?

I admire them both. The thing is, they both proposed at the same time. Whom do you think I should choose?

Sometimes.. (Part 1)

.. I scare myself.

Part 2