Friday, April 29, 2005

Do You Have A Non-sticky Lipstick?


For the first time since I started blogging I don't feel like posting. Even my mind posts that used to haunt me in my bed, car, work… etc have stopped.

She caught me. She used to check out my blog from time to time. Had a few doubts that it was me but I kept denying and affirming that "since when did I have the ability to write both in Arabic and English?" And she believed me.


I tried to post in a vague way. There were so many details I wanted to talk about but hid them so that she wouldn't catch me. In the past few weeks, she stopped checking mine. So I felt a little freer in posting without so much repression. Before a few days, and after my latest post she called me and told me for sure that I am Flamingoliya. This time I couldn't hide it cos she spent the whole afternoon checking my whole blog finding endless clues that it was me. I tried to deny it like I used to do.


Although she already knew it was me, she needed my affirmation. It was hard for her to believe that it was really me all this time and she didn't know. "How did you keep it private all this time? Why didn't you tell me? I introduced you to the blog world and you owe it to me to tell me!"

She made me confess that it is really me. She threatened to tell the whole world if I hadn't. So I with all my weakness submitted to her command. One person knowing is much better than many. But, do I feel like blogging the way I used to? No. Do I feel like commenting like before? No. I am censored now. I am read now. I am judged now. I am followed by a fly; a fly that sticks on my juicy fruity lipstick. I try to wave it away, I try to ignore it but it still flies back. I thought of removing my lipstick, but I hated it when other bloggers did. I thought of stopping wearing lipstick but here I am wearing it again. I thought of changing the brand of my lipstick, but she would recognize me again.

She will be reading this post. I know she would be laughing the whole way and would end up saying "ya 7mara hahaha!"

We made a deal that she wouldn't tell anyone. She accused me of disloyalty but I knew that a secret cannot be kept between two. Especially when it is told to a blabber mouth (you know you are, so please don't get upset). I even know that even secretive people may expose information unintentionally.

Maybe she knowing that I am Flamingoliya would make me more open to some stuff that I used to hide from her to preserve my anonymity here. You see, there were a lot of events happening to me in real life that I stopped telling her so that I would share it with bloggers. She over heard me once telling a story to someone and told me that she read that story at Flamingoliya's blog "you are Flamingoliya!"

Maybe she knowing who I am now would make me more reserved since I don't like sharing all my feelings with her. She will be able to know the reasons behind my different moods. She will be able to know why my eyes are red and puffed. She will know why I'm eating too much chips and chocolate. She will know why I'm late for work.

I lost my privacy. I lost my diary. I lost my real self; I lost Flamingoliya. (Doesn't this phrase make you want to cry?)

She didn't understand why her knowing who I am disturbed me. She thinks that my blog is normal and that there's no reason for hiding it. She doesn't understand that despite my kind of blog, it is my private world that I dwell in alone. It is my anonymity that I am enjoying. It is my people's applause. It is people's love and admiration. It's my secret hideaway. She cannot get that. Not all people get it. But many do. If she were one of those who do, I wouldn't have been reluctant to tell her.

And again dear folana, this is my blog and don't come questioning me why I wrote this post. Ehhh don't even comment on it, cos you know why!

49 comments:

Purgatory said...

Interesting. Maybe its just jealousy.

Flamingoliya said...

naah I don't think so.

OMG, i said the above sentence knowing she'd read it. bidait bil mojamalat wel nifaq! :/

Not_Without_My_Heels said...

Don't remove your lipstick, and if you are going to change the lipstick please tell me which one it is... I LOVE LIPSTICK :)

You Rock .. :)

Hopeless Poet said...

Sorry to hear about that :(
Our hearts are with you!
And no you didn't lose flamingoliya!! Flamingoliya legacy will continue and forever will remain :P

Purgatory said...

bashroosya, she is just jealous that you get attention while she does not get much attention for her ranting, so no nifaq needed :P

hedeeni 3aleeeha.

Rawand said...

It is really terrible to be stuck with ppl in your life who has large noses, and 'think it's their right to stick it in your business.

sij balwa.

Shurouq said...

Is that what the "blogging is balwa" post was about?

You poor thing :(

مبتدئ said...

Flam-

I feel u wala! Wala My heart is with u

Let me tell u a story, tragedy, like urs. :(

One of my friends(a dear friend btw), 2 weeks ago sent me an MSN msg telling me are u "Mobtadi'"
Gitla .. What!? gali fee blogs oo madri shino.. gitlah oo 3ajeeb give me the address.. 3addat 3ala khair

Ams dag 3alai talking politics as usual.. lazim insawi shai, o hal kalam, o ana ib galbi agool inshala ma iyeeb 6ari il blogs.. after about an hour and a half, sikatnah shwai chan igool:
"Flan, tara mosta7eel hatha ma ikoon inta" gitlah "mino",.. Gali "Mobtadi'" ..
Chan agoolah ya3ni targee3ah "Tara shagaitooni! thalith wa7ed igool.. mino hatha mobtadi'" .. 6ab3an mo sij, bas 3ashan amasheha

ilmohim shakkal 3alai.."ilmawthoo3 il flani", oo 3abdelwahab oo madri shino"

Gitlah shoof: "itha fee shai abi agoolik iyyah chan gitlah"

shakkal mara thania..
Chan agool: ""itha fee shai abi agoolik iyyah chan gitlah o itha shai ma gitlik iyah ya3ni ma abeek t3aref, man6eq!"

ilmohim.. akhir shai gitlah Oki, khalas ANA..bas khal-ha bainnah..
oo 6ab3an sha3b il kuwait il3atheem mash-hoor ia77lif innas inna ma ygoloon..igool 7ag 3ashra oo i7alifhom kilhom, oo kil wa7ed igool 7ag 3ashra thanyeen oo i7alfoonhom..
bacher ideera kila 7alfa oo it3aref..

Flam- I understand, its much more fun itha they dont tell you. Ya3ni itha tadri khalas SHHHHH.. latgooli inik tadri.. tara awnasli oo awnaslik.. akh bas loo ilkil ifaker mithli :p

Anyhow.. this may be my longest comment ever, or maybe the second most, bas its because I feel u ya Madame Flam.

Akhrat-ha mootah.. enjoy




:( ..

Bloo said...

i came here to comment on your post.. but mobtade2's comment tops it. i feel both of u

as a response to mobtade2: what you don't know won't hurt you' so when the link gets to me that u r flan who is mobtade2;.. i won't let u know :)

back to flamin -and as well to mobtade2 - i deleted my blog because my sister read it. i stopped my other blog because i wanted to concentrate on work. purgaotry of all pple knows i can not keep my self anonymous, that's why my 2nd blog was not personal diaries.. i was still not free, pple from work were reading my blog, .. i was getting comments from a co-worker: ha vintage! shlon eshi'3il weyach wala kla bas ga3da taktbeen bel blogs??" and some comments like.. the timing of my posts are work time posts..

oh it was a disastor- i cant stop laughing at mobtade2 comment, and cant stop feeling emotional about flamingoleya saying.. i lost flamingoleya- but now i corrected my mistake.. and no one ever dares hurt me, i still write like the maniac i am. but i keep it in my desktop or turture purgy with them in emails.

this final note is for flamingoleya's catcher: do not even mention you read this post, do not show any negativity or positivity upon reading this post, ignore flamingoleya when she her self brings the topic, just act as if u didnt know.. so that flamingoleya can be ok, if u really want her to be ok.

Bloo said...

oh.. and i dont have a non-sticky lipstick.. or a sticky lipstick, or a lipstick all together :)

Q80-Chill Girl said...

Its been long since I posted a comment here but am a regular visitor, to tell you the truth the

"I lost my privacy. I lost my diary. I lost my real self; I lost Flamingoliya"

line moved me so much! I am terribly sorry for what you have to go through, at least that friend "is she really a friend?" should have respected your need for privacy! Kuwait is small we all expect to be known BUT the horrible thing that could happin is INVASION of our privacy & taking away our identity!

am very sorry ,, & second mobtade2's words " if you wanted her to know it you would have told her, she didnt have to force you to tell her this way!"

Flam my dear its not only about a blog it will get bigger! I cant advice you to stop nor continue but for the respect I have to you & ur blog I urge you to stay .. try to be your self still don't give ppl a free invitation to your privacy ,, if your not comfortable with that too! Da'Hell with it :) be your self o keshtai

again truelly am deeply sad for what you have to go through! Allah y3ench

Purgatory said...

wainha! wainha! let me get my hands on her! :P

Jacqui said...

You're all making a big deal out of nothing.. Like WHATEVERRRRRRRR So What someone finds out that its you blogging or writing such posts.. There is still a fact that some might be true and some a figment of your imagination.. There is something called creative writing and some people can weave imaginative details into real life events.. So like don't stress on the subject, don't be such a child and start crying about "booohoooo hoooo someone found out about my blog.. they're going to spread rumors about me!" That never stopped anyone from writing.. So put on your grown up clothes and act like one ! :r Sorry for the abusive nature but whining never gets anyone anyplace

Purgatory said...

Jackie, where is the finger click, sista :P

Jacqui said...

Click click :P So that you don't be all sad and delete your blog Purg :P

Purgatory said...

me! delete my blog! shno galoolech ba6aleee! kateb more than 200 plus posts wo akher shay delete! Penguins are strong creatures :P

Jacqui said...

Penguins are psychotic :P hehe

Purgatory said...

Yeah and ducks are shno, angels :P why do they call crazy people quacks then :P ha ha !!

Jelly Belly said...

Deja`Vu...I know how it feels honey...ever since I found out that a lot people know who I am...
I think twice before posting and I hate that feeling...but the more I thought about it, the more I say to myself I can't let anyone have control over me...so be yourself and don't let it bother you this much...it took me a while to realize it so hang in there :)

Ra-1 said...

why would she judge u !!!?

Broke said...

انا اكثر وحدة حاسة فيج

You know why ..

This is soo depressing ..you reminded me of myself .. bas tra entay ahwan menny ..I write abt balawi sometimes ;)

Any way , IGNORE HER .. she will spy for few days then she'll get bored ..

Read my post "nashwat el ma6ar " and take off those clothes piece by piece just like the little girl there .." metaphorically "


ترى احنا ما نستغنى عنج ..

So , never think of deleting or quitting ur blog .. take a break if needed ..

Purgatory said...

Good morning :)

Armani.Lab said...

plz come back..=(


*pretending that I didn't read this post*

I dislike hal "flana"

ray said...

flamingoliya

i know your feeling ...

i found out that some members of my family are reading my posts ...

it doesn't stop there !!!

they are also following my comments !

they find it interesting!

it's like i have no privacy at all ! wallah

i don't keep any thing private from them, but that doesn't mean that i dont want any privacy , right?!

they just don't get it .


i just hate it when they discuss my posts with me ! or even other bloggers posts ...



any ways ... wathi7 inna i didn't get over it!


------

another thing : i found out that one of my instructors is a fellow blogger ... :)

i never did mention the fact that i know because it's like an invasion of privacy

why don't other people do the same ?

9aj mobtade2 ... heh

Flamingoliya said...

NWMH
hehehe i won't. and if i ever did, i'd definately tell you ;) thanks.

lipsticks rule! :P


Poet
thank you for your support. LOL @ flamingoliya legacy :)


Purg
you know her already? :P
walla it feels safe knowing i have people defending me hahaha


Rawand
ee walla balwa :/ maybe i can chop off her big nose while she's sleeping, how about that? :)
thank you for your support and for dropping by :D


Shurouq
can you believe that it wasn't? i was surprised myself that this happened after the balwa post. as if i sensed it would happen!
the only thing that made me post the balwa post is the similarity between the 2 words :)


i will get back to the rest of the comments A.S.A.P.

maha said...

Flamingoliya
------------

أشعر بك

لا أدري لـِمَ يعشق الناس تدمير الخصوصيات
!!
الفضوليون كُثر للأسف

سأحكي لك عن مواقف مررت فيها
لم أكن في الجهة التي وقفت بها و وقف مبتدئ

بل كنت في الجهة المقابلة
أي المكتشف إن صح التعبير

لكني و قبل أن أتأكد من كونهم بالفعل
هم أنفسهم من في بالي

كنت أرسل الرسائل لهم

أنبههم أن يُـقـِّلوا
من كتابة أمورهم الشخصية

لا أريد أن أعرفهم
و لا أريدهم أن يعرفوني
و لا أريد أن يعرفهم غيري

لهذا تكون الرسالة واجبة
و إن كنت أعلم أنها تؤثر سلباً في بعض الأحيان

=(

أعتقد أن ينبه الإنسان قبل
أن تـُعرف شخصيته
أفضل من أن تعرف فعلاً
!!

*******++++++++++++********

أن نجهل بعضنا البعض
هو أجمل ما في عالم الانترنت

*******++++++++++++********

فلامنقويا
---------

استمري في الكتابة
فجمهورك كبير
و (مها) منهم و إن كانت قليلة الرد و تسجيل الحضور

( انجليزيتي مو شي يالله يالله أفهم )

=Pp~

لكِ تحياتي

Purgatory said...

bashroosya, of course I do, I have my own sources as everyone knows, I can find things easily, wo ma 3aleeech everything will be handled professionaly.

Penguin Assassin, en6alq! (da dada dadadada daaaaaaaa da dada dum dum dum)

Broke said...

Flaaamy , I'm missing ur new .. Would u please publish ur new post soon ..?

The Don ® said...

و أنا أقول وينها غاطة
:)

Flamingoliya said...

Mobtadi
thanks alot for your support! i sure hope i'd see more longer comments! :) sij what happened to you is the exact thing that happened to me. she kept suspecting and i kept denying the way you did.
wel mishkila el akbar is "bacher ideera kila 7alfa oo it3aref" hatha 7alna hni! mako shay yinkhash.
and it's true that if they don't tell you, not you only would enjoy it more but even them!

btw, my foreign colleague just came and told me that he found the best way to loose weight. i excitedly asked "what?!"
he said: chitchat! pointing at a slim girl who doesn't keep her mouth shut at work :P


Vintage
not only your sis, but also colleagues? wow! :/
it's a good thing to know that you're still writing! but purg reading them?! wow! this IS something! cos as i know, he doesn't like long posts hehehe. so your writings must be charming in a way that he IS actually reading them :)
about your note to flana...
abashrich... she critisied me long before she knew who i am! :/
but now after knowing that it is me, i guess she looked at it from another angle.

no lipstick at all? how come?! :P

Purgatory said...

bashroosya, yes she writes very interesting things, I enjoy reading for her, even if they are long, I have my way of skimming :)

Flamingoliya said...

Q80-Chill Girl
first of all, it's good to know that you are a regular here :)
taking away my ID is what i really felt when she told me as i am more connected with flam than the person people see in daily life.
that person is a very close one, and yes, the way i was made to admit who i am made it feel worse. i will try to remain myself as soon as i get adapted to this new situation. i appreciate your support and thank you for the compliments. and please comment more often ;)


Purg
ya 3aneef :P


Jackie
Yumma! Waaay! Easy on me! Sij abusive nature! :P~
It’s not what I write. You know and I know that what I write is very regular stuff. The thing is I consider it like a diary. An escape, a refuge, a place to vent and rant 3ala gooltich o 3ala golat most of the bloggers around :P
I’ve never heard of anyone who’s comfortable with letting close people whether best friends or family reading their personal thoughts or diary. In addition to that, ya3ni even if It was ok with me to share it wouldn’t be this way. Ya3ni people who know me keeping a close eye on new posts, new comments to the extent of notifying me of receiving them before I myself do, or even digging in old posts to find out more and more about me. I am sure that no one would be comfortable with that. You either weren’t put in this situation (add to that being FORCED to admit that Jackie is you) or the fact that you post regular stuff that don’t reveal your inner thoughts and feelings. And if none of the above applies, not on you and not on others.. then why do most, if not all bloggers blog with nicknames and hardly even mention simple info like age, gender, or even email address!
Main point is, being watched doesn’t feel good. It feels like being stalked (blogily). I can keep on and on expressing myself more on this issue, but I guess you already had enough :p
It’s good to see your comment here, it’s been long.. my first blog-o-teacher :)


Purg
Just 200 posts?! All those penguin pics that slow down my connection?! 200 bas? Walla hagait akthar! :P


Jackie
Ashwah, you said the word that I’ve been longing to say hehe

Flamingoliya said...

Jelly Belly
Walla you were the first one on my mind when this happened!
I am myself, and that’s how I should remain
I am myself, and that’s how I should remain
I am myself, and that’s how I should remain
I am myself, and that’s how I should remain
Blog-o-self-therapy ;)
I hate the feeling too, and will need time to adjust. Thank you for your support dear.
*whisper* where do you think i should hide my red dress? ;/

Ra-1
It’s judging in the sense of being watched and supervised. I mostly share here what I don’t share with people around me. So being watched and supervised now won’t make me feel comfortable and able to post without thinking twice. It would even affect my polite gossip (as Mobtadi puts it) which means gossip in the form of a spiced up story. Bas enshalla I get used to it and get back to my normal state.


Broken
Walla entay 7assa fini eb kil shay! Even when I don’t speak :*
I hope she gets bored soon (how about posting some politics? :P) but what if she gets addicted to my blog? Many people here keep a close eye to bloggers who they know in real life even if their blogs were dead boring.
Take my clothes off? Entay eshnawya 3aley?! Agoolich she’s watching me! :P~
I won’t delete it (ta3bana 3aleeh!) :P the only effect would be thinking twice. What I feel right now is that I lost some interest in posting. Ya3ni as I said above… my mind posts have vanished :/
I will need the (gafsha/shaba7) therapy to get back to normal ;)
Thank you for the support and your sweet words.


Purg
Good evening :P


Armani
I am here :) have you forgotten that I’m addicted or what? :P and thank you :)

Ray
That is exactly how I feel! O foga following INTERESTING comments! Hehehe.. it becomes handy when you’re out of the coverage area, ya3ni when you can’t join just call them and ask who and what comments you have.
Regarding privacy, I agree completely.. you need some privacy even if some things or all are shared with them. Discussing others posts was our daily chat, now mine has become the one :P the main focus I mean.
Your instructor? Coooool! Who? Tell me.. tell me! (don’t I sound like them?) :P

Purgatory said...

Good Morning :)

Flamingoliya said...

good dusty morning purg. aaaatcheeew

Flamingoliya said...

Maha
الفضوليون نعم وخصوصا في مجتمع صغير كمجتمعنا
اتفق معك بخصوص عدم البوح بمعرفتك لهم وذلك لأنك أصلا لا تريدينهم أن يعرفوك
أعتقد بأن هذه هي أهم نقطة
تهمك خصوصيتهم كما تهمك خصوصيتك
ذلك بالاضافة الى حرصك على عدم معرفة بقية الناس عنهم
أقدر وأحترم هذا الشعور

على الرغم من اكتشافها لشخصي مازلت أعتقد بأن كان لي الامكان أن اكون اكثر غموظا
ولكن ماكنت أكتب كان يسعدني لدرجة عدم الاهتمام وقتها بالناس

لذلك لا أجد ضرورة في نصح أحد عن امكانية الآخرين لاكتشاف هوياتهم لأن المجازفة موجودة ويعلمها الجميع
نعم سيؤثر سلبا على نفسية الكاتب ومن ثم على كتاباته
بمعنى آخر كوني تحت الملاحظة ضايقني أكثر من معرفتها بهويتي

لك جزيل الشكر علي المديح والتشجيع فهما العاملان الأساسيان لاستمراري هنا
اني سعيدة بزياراتك هنا
وأتمنى أن ارى تعليقات أكثر منك
ولا تخافي حيث أني أحاول أن أرضي الجمهور العربي والانجليزي هنا والذي يطلق عليه
Chicken nuggets :P hehehee

تحياتي
توني تعلمتها منكم وأول مره اقولها



Broken
Just do me the shaba7 gafsha hypnosis! I need that.
(will do, as soon as my mood gets better ;)


Don :)
kani :P


Purg
- Ya salam 3alaik! Speaking like a pro! Can I join you? :P

- I need to learn how to skim. Got lots of books and mags that need to be skimmed. Especially diet/slimming books :P
Enzain since you enjoy her writings, why don’t you make her blog again? How come you’re the only one who reads? Ha?

Purgatory said...

because am special bashoorsya :) but you can ask her to send you her writings if you like :)

Flamingoliya said...

bashoorsya? :P flamingoliya gilna sa3ba, bas 7itta hathi? :P

Purgatory said...

waleeen, shsweeelech, your names are long! you should choose one of those 4 letter names :P

Bloo said...

hey flamingoleya no lipstick, i keep licking my lips all the time l2na.. im so kissable u see :)

and i cant blog again ** ay shay vintage cz u already did break the rules u put, except the working hours rule* i have to concentrate.. and i tell u its paying off HUGE BIG TIME WALLA.

flamingoleya,, tara abashrich... abashrich... o bas i cant say further, intay fahamtini :DDDD

Flamingoliya said...

Purg mine has 12 letters, yours has 11 :P i see not big difference.


Vintage sij?! sijsijsij? :)))))
la la you have to post about this! i need to know details! ;)

enzain ya3ni if i kept licking my lips, will i be kissable too?

Bloo said...

sijain thalatha arba3..ya3ni my happiness is mutliplied .. post about it ? agoolich mako a7ad ma yegra my blog tgolen post about it... ya mama if i post about it will be coded upside down sideways,,, sooo coded u won't even figure out its in english :)

ha shrayech.. foooga? :D

me going to sleep now,

Flamingoliya said...

la kilshay wala your coded posts that i don't get. email me if you care to share. or msn.

Purgatory said...

bashroosya, my name is easier, I still say you should go to a 4 letter name :P

Purgatory said...

yalla bsech wo post something new, mestansa 45 comments :P

Flamingoliya said...

LOL Purg asking me to post?! *this is something!*
well i just woke up, give me time to compose.

call me flamy, Flames, FLFL anything :P

Purgatory said...

hmm flfl :) I like that, flfl, good choice :)

Jacqui said...

I still umm support my main argument.. in the problem being blown out of proportion.. and well all of my close friends and best friends read my blog and most of them even refer to me by my nickname.. and I have no problem with that really.. I just don't really care that much about the entire world finding out.. I was even mentioned in Kuwait Times along with my fellow bloggerettes :r and that was fine with me.. So learn to say.. "Bah.. Fork IT!"

Flamingoliya said...

Bah.. Fork IT
Bah.. Fork IT
Bah.. Fork IT
Bah.. Fork IT

lets see how far this would work for me :)