Caught in the Act

Yes, my boss has rolling eyes everywhere. Well I'm not talking about the big boss. But about the supervisor. He's a supervisor by all means. He thinks he was hired just to SUPERVISE our moves. Or in better words, MY MOVES.

Once upon a time good old Flamingoliya was working hard in her office (surfing the net that is). Her lovable (not so lovable in her supervisor's eyes) colleague decided to BREAK the law and go shopping. Flamingoliya thought that this was a brilliant idea. She kissed her PC goodbye and sneaked out. The two lovely friends (nerds) enjoyed a cruise in Soug Sharg, which isn't very far from where they work. They chose this place to shop in so that they'd be back in case of any emergency. They bought girly stuff like creams, massage oils and organic scents.

The day passed. A week passed. Minor boss called upon the two lovely friends (nerds) and asked them where and why they left that day. Flamingoliya played numb and dumb. But her lovely smart friend confessed. "The department was empty and so we left" she said.

Flamingoliya and nerd didn't know that when the department was totally empty, they were not allowed to sneak out. So bad old mean supervisor thought that this was wrong and totally unacceptable. He told big boss and showed him the report of missing attendants. It was a large list but nothing new to the daily atmosphere of their department.

Poor old Flamingoliya and her friend had a good reputation that was ruined on that specific day they sneaked out. Friend wasn't surprised at all cos her supervisor hated her (long story) so this was his pay back time. Flamingoliya was the victim. Flamingoliya couldn't be victimized. She wanted to enjoy the goods she bought (scents and creams) as if she knew she would need them that cursed day.

Up to the supervisor she went. "You victimized me" she said. "Work had to be done" he lied. (oops, I'm so indulged in this story that I just spilled my turkish coffee, thank God it didn't reach the keyboard.. Flamingoliya clicks save as). "We do not have work and you know that. The department is empty always and you know that too. Why in the HELL (Flamingoliya is playing strong in front of you guys) did you tell boss? Did you have to ruin my reputation? I've worked here since ages and I never left the workplace like that. Today I did, but other colleagues always did and still doing! Why me?! Why today?"

His only reason was that today (to Flamingoliya's bad luck) NO ONE was in the department. Did she have to sneak out before anybody did? Will supervisor call them incase they sneaked out right after her? She thinks not. He wouldn't dare talk to them. Yes, he only dares to talk to her. Because she's good.

So since that day, Flamingoliya decided to be bad. Since that day, Flamingoliya glued herself to her wooden chair 7 hours non-stop. She developed a back ache, big B****, swollen arteries, poor eye sight, wrist pain, stiff muscles, dried out skin, and increased caffeine blood levels. This is on the physical side.

As for the mental side, she developed increasing Amnesia, schizophrenia, withdrawal from the real life and extroversion in blog life.

Effect of Emoticons

My brain: Emoticons were created to transfer our feelings in to online text. That is all.
My tongue: Yes true.
My brain: You think it’s true?
My tongue: Of course I do.
My brain: Then why did you stick out ( :P ) when you saw your grandmother the other night?
My tongue: Huh?! I did not!
My brain: Yes you did!
My tongue: No, I did not!
My brain: Yes you did. Your grandmother told your mom that when you saw her that night you waved and ( :P )ed at her.
My tongue: NO!!
My brain: YES! Don’t you have manners?
My tongue: I do! :(
My brain: Then how could you do that!?
My tongue: I don’t know! I’m sure I didn’t! I respect my good old grandmother and I would never do such thing!
My brain: That is what she said and you know she that does not lie!

My tongue feels guilty and rests on my jaw remembering the sinful night. My brain works hard to remind me of the events. DAMN! My brain illustrates how my tongue stuck out at my grandmother! NO! How could I?! How did I have the guts to do that?!

My brain tells me that I’m so indulged in emoticons which were created to transfer my feelings in to online text, but I got confused and misused them in real life.

My brain decides to torture my tongue by depriving it from food for a week. My tongue objects and pleads for mercy. My brain reconciles and decides to zip my mouth to prevent my tongue from sticking out.

My tongue lives happily ever after as long as my brain unzips my mouth for food.

My tongue whispers: “If Einstein; my brain’s idol did it, why shouldn’t I?”

Blogger at Work

Have you ever felt annoyed by colleagues taking a peak on your screen?
Have you ever been so worked up on your blog or reading someone else’s when a colleague comes out of nowhere and looks at your screen? You immediately minimize the window you’re reading when she gives you the eye that you’ve been watching erotica or something?
Have you ever been suffocated by a talkative colleague, sent extra body signals to let her know to buzz off? You have a blogy thought that you want to post instantly or you’d loose momentary inspiration?
Have you ever nodded endlessly to a colleague telling her life story when your mind’s someBLwhereOG else?
Have you ever been called for a group talk (gossip in Kuwaiti terms) and a low fat cheese sandwich (pastry, mokhallal, greasy bo6a6 badiyyan, falafel sandwich…. in kuwaiti terms) milk and coffee (diet pepsi in Kuwaiti terms) crackers (fistiq o 7ab in Kuwaiti terms) when you’re so indulged in checking out new posts and comments?
Have you ever drunk your colleague’s bottle of water by mistake while browsing?
Have you ever forgotten your colleagues name and called her by a bloggers name?
Have you ever ordered zaydoun in your sandwich, instead of zaytoon?
Have you ever referred to Mr.Baker as Mrs.Baker?
Have you ever traded a free copy of cosmopolitan to a post of Jewaira’s?
Have you ever felt the urge to take a pic in public toilets, to show abu 7afs?
Did you ever reach a point where you abandon your real name and refer to yourself by your blog nickname? the blog nick name that shows your real personality more than your real life name does?
Have you ever held the phone to call a friend, and a blogger mate pops in to mind, you feel disappointed that you don’t have their number? and you realize that it is merely an on screen friendship?
Have you ever…… to be continued

Cool Police Women

I got this cool email today and thought of sharing it.

طهران (د ب أ):أعلنت أكاديمية الشرطة في العاصمة الايرانية طهران السبتالماضي تخريج ثاني دفعة من الشرطة النسائية في البلاد.وقال الجنرال محمد باقر قاليباف قائد الشرطة الايرانية في حفل تخريج
دفعة جديدة من الخريجات إن الضابطات المتخرجات حديثا سيشاركن رسميا الزملاء الرجال في جهاز شرطة البلاد. وقال قاليباف "إن المعايير الاساسية في الشرطة عندنا هي الكفاءة والقدرة وليس النوع ".وكانت خريجات الدفعة الجديدة يرتدين عباءات سوداء طويلة حتىخلال التمارين التي تتضمن المطاردة بالسيارات وتسلق حوائط والقبض على المجرمين
وإعادة تجميع المدافع الرشاشة وهن معصوبات العينين.إلا أن قاليباف قال إن ارتداء العباءة ليس إلزاميا خلال عمليات معينة و بمقدور الشرطيات ارتداء المعاطف والحجاب.وكانت الدفعة الاولى من الشرطة النسائية تخرجت عام 1999 وضمت 60 ضابطة جرى توزيعهن على ستة مراكز للشرطة في طهران لتولي منصب نائب الضابط الاداري في الادارات الجنائية وإدارات التحقيق ومكتب السجلات الجنائية .وتعمل ضابطات الشرطة بالاشتراك مع الضباط من الرجال في الامور التي تتعلق بالسجلات الجنائية وتلقي الشكاوى والاجراءات القضائية خاصة في القضايا التي تكون أحد أطرافها من النساء.---واليكم الصور

This post will be deleted in a day or two since it doesn't go with my blog theme.

To Mom

علبة فارغة

استيقظت هذا الصباح، كتبت هذه الرسالة، طويت أوراقها، ووضعتها في علبة حمراء، اليكم محتوى الرسالة،

أمي الحبيبة
لطالما سألتك عما ترغبين بالحصول عليه كهدية
لطالما فكرت بهدايا سواء كانت غالية أم رخيصة
أقدم لك هذه العلبة
لا تعتبريها فاضيه، بل هي مملوءة بحبي لك، أحبك يا أمي ولا أستطيع الاستغناء عنك، لو للمحبة هيئة لأهديتها لك، لو كان للطاعة والاحترام هيئة لقدمتها لك،
أمي العزيزة
لا تغضبي مني حين يتبدل مزاجي وأصرخ
سامحيني حين أتباطأ في تنفيذ أوامرك
سامحيني على زلاتي التي أفعلها وتخجلك
سامحيني على قلة زيارتي لجدتي، والدتك
سامحيني عندما أحببت وتزوجت رجلا لا يعجبك
سامحيني عندما أطلقت عليك الأسماء والألقاب
سامحيني عندما لجأت لغيرك للمشورة
سامحيني عندما كنت مراهقة أقارنك بأمهات صديقاتي
هذه تعمل وهذه مثقفة
هذه جميلة وهذه رشيقة
هذه مضحكة وتلك حنونة
هذه تجلب اللعب لإبنتها وتلك تؤدي واجبات ابنتها

الآن تعلمت، الآن فهمت
أنت أمي وأنت الأعظم
أنت الأفضل ولم تتمني لي سواه
أين أنت الآن لتقرئي هذا
ليت هذه الكلمات تصلك في جنتك
نعم جنتك جنة الخلد
إني ضعيفة مكسورة الآن بدونك
عصيتك وكان مصيري الخسران
إليك يا أمي يا والدتي ويا مرضعتي أرسل لك هذه الكلمات
كم أحن إلى ضمتك
إلى قبلتك
إلى حضنك الدافيء الذي لا حضن سواه يشبعني، يملأني، يسعدني، ينومني في سبات عميق


أما الآن، فأين أضع هذه العلبة

Imaginary post

First Shaiba

Inspired by my pervious post about Hinna… when did you first notice white hair on your head? What was the cause?

I had mine at 18 because of the stress and horror I felt towards my strict American professor at college.

Why do we keep dying our hair for eternity?

Look how cute this lady looks.

Don't you just love his grey hair?

On Hina

قالو لي بأن ريحتك حلوه
للشعر تضيفي صبغة
لمعان ونعومة وصحة

ريحتك قلبت كبدي
لونك على شيباتي قلب برتقالي
طوفان من الماء البني في حمامي
عشيبات سكرت مجرى دورة مياهي
فركت ودعكت إلى أن خلص شامبوي النباتي

يقولون أن الشعر الأبيض زينة على راسي
فقررت أن أتخلص من حنة حماتي
وأن أتشبه بسرياتي... مدبرة المنزل الهندية

كم من مرة راضتني بخبزة الشباتي
وكم من مرة طبطبت علي في جنون نوباتي
جعلها الله ذخرا لأبنائي وبناتي

Tell Me Why?

Why do I sleep early on weekends and wake up early with a headache?
Why do I sleep late on workdays and hardly get out of bed in the morning.
Why does watching TV have a special flavor at times when I have to study or work?
Why do I eat more when I'm on a diet and eat less when I stop?
Why in the last minutes of an exam, I do my best?
Why do I start doing my homework or studying for an exam at midnight?
Why do I loose words when I need to speak
Why do I act funny when people are serious?
Why do I blog most at work, when I’m freer at home
Why do I bring my work home when I can do it at work?
Why do I eat chips when I’m feeling lonely?
Why do I eat chocolate when I’m depressed?
Why do I end up with people I don’t like and loose people I like?
Why do I feel lazy in the afternoon and feel even lazier after my afternoon nap
Why do I say hello to people who don’t know me, and ignore the people I know
Why do I remember people who have forgotten me, and vice versa
Why do I say friendly words to people who don’t concern me, and find difficulty with people I love?
Why do I keep forgetting that (sa3tich abrak) is the answer for (forsa sa3eeda)
Why when I made sure that (ayyamich sa3eeda) is the answer for (3eedich embarak), I said it to a guy without changing it to masculine

Institute of Pregnancies

She just discovered that her client’s calls and gifts were just friendly bribes. She ignored his calls and hid next to me. Suddenly, a face popped up from behind the wall. My heart leaped, my pupils widened.

C: you are hiding! I called you yesterday. I even called today!

He Looks at her big tummy and says “too bad one moment of pleasure causes this! So this is what you've been doing? This is the institute of pregnancies! You look fatter than before, what, is it kicking?”. She gets up and goes back to her office. He looks at me and says “see ya, don't work too hard!”
Me: I’m not!
C: HAHA good girl.

Post update....

Sorry people. I didn't expect the post to be this vague, though I enjoyed confusing you. It was just a brief summery of a conversation that happened between an employee and an English client. Both people were sitting beside me. I couldn't resist the temptation of posting their words. I grabbed my mobile as usual and typed the main points since I couldn't blog infront of them.

The employee considered the client as friend since he always called and sent her gifts. Clients usually do that as a reward for speeding up their paper work. The poor gal only discovered this quiet late after needing him for her own benefit but he wasn't there to help.

She ignored his calls for two days. She knew he was coming today. Therefore, she grabbed her handbag and hid in my office so he wouldn't see her when he comes; only to be surprised when he caught her. So as soon as they left to her office, I bloged their conversation with eagerness to hear more. The girl is married and the baby is her husbands of course but I found the way the client commented on her pregnancy was interesting. It was embarrassing for sure if I were in her shoes, but I liked his sarcastic thought about the "institute of pregnancies" as I am probably the only one who's been a loyal employee with full attendance rates. Yes we have those rates on excel. I carried the load of a full department for several times just because of pregnant absentees.

Once the lady gets pregnant she starts her endless sick leaves. First excuse is (I'm not feeling well) for fear of bad eye. After three months pass and when the pregnancy becomes obvious they announce it. Sine they announced it they would start taking pregnancy sick leaves. They would start showing up once every other day till it's (wilada) time that lasts for two months and then nursing time for four more months.

They finally attend after almost a year of absence. They need time to catch up with what they've missed. But then they wouldn't have the time to work on that because they would get pregnant again. That's when the circle would go round and around.

Ok I seem to have gotten carried away but really this issue has been bothering me since I started my job. Maybe one day I will be one of those, who knows. But I will make sure that my sick leaves will be truly sick ones. I might as well end up sitting at home.

After the client had a long conversation with the employee and as soon as he left the department; I heard her calling the flower shop. The client's daughter got married and she wanted to send her a bouquet. I guess he flipped her mind all over again, smart guy.

Bashroosiya

All this time I thought that a Flamingo was a Stork and a Stork was a Flamingo and that both a Stork and a Flamingo were Flamingoliya :p

Stork (Laqlaq)

Flamingo (Bashroos)

Flamingoliya :p

Thank you Purg for clearing things out.

When I was searching for flamingo pics on yahoo search engine, I tried to search using my nick name flamingoliya, hoping I was famous enough to be posted on the net and guess what the results were?

Type your nick name and find out!

Hisham

دقت الساعة التاسعة والنصف مساء يوم الجمعة واجتمعت العائلة امام شاشة التلفاز تنتظر بفارغ صبرها بدء حفلة البرايم لبرنامج ستار اكاديمي الذي اكتسح بقية المحطات بجذبه للجماهير من مختلف الأعمار والأجناس، التف الأبناء حول جهاز التلفاز ولم يعيرو اي انتباه لرب الأسرة الذي دخل كعادته مشتاقا لزوجته التي التقطت جهاز الريموت كونترول فور دخوله خوفا من أن يغير المحطة لمشاهدة احد برامجه المملة كموجز الأنباء، أو المصارعة الحرة، أو برامج حياة الشعوب، استلقى الأب مستسلما لرغبات زوجته المسيطرة ومتفهما لمرحلة المراهقة المتأخرة التي تمر بها، حكت الأم لأبنائها أهم أحداث البرنامج التي جرت اليوم وأبرزها خلال الإسبوع حيث أنها تشفق عليهم بسبب متابعتهم دروسهم ونومهم مبكرا للمدارس
،،الله يعطيهم العافية، ونسونا،، بدأت الزوجة الحديث لكي لا تشعر زوجها بالملل، لعل وعسى أن يشاركها متابعة البرنامج، همس الأب بصوت خافت:،، ليت الإرسال ينقطع وأتخلص من هذا البرنامج السخيف الذي لا يعرض سوى أجساد فتيات يافعات و استهبال رجال،، تذمرت الزوجة وقت الفاصل الاعلاني قائلة:،، البرنامج أصبح أغلبه تمثيل، فهم يفرضون عنصر التشويق المفتعل كخلق المقالب، وقصص الحب،، ... قاطعها زوجها قائلا:
واستهبال الشباب بوضع المكياج و خلق المواقف المضحكة، لم تتابعينه ان كنت تتذمرين منه،،
الزوجه:،، بس، لا أعلم، اعتقد بأني مدمنه، اعلم بأنه سخيف ولكن شيئا ما يجعلني أتابعه ،،،،حمدا لله، فهو لايعرف بأني مدمنة مدونات ابنتي أيضا ،،،،
تدخلت الإبنة قائلة:،،هل كانت لديك هواية في الصغر يا أمي،،
الأم:،،نعم، الخياطة،،
الابنة بتشوق :،،ولم لا تخيطين الآن،،
الأم:،، ولم أخيط،، لم أعد محتاجة لذلك،،
الإبنه:،،كل انسان لديه هواية ما لشغل وقته"،،
الأم بحزم وجدية :،،نعم كلامك صحيح فالتلفاز الآن هو هوايتي المفضلة،،
ذهلت الإبنة من جواب أمها وصمتت تتساءل عما اذا كانت مشاهدة التلفاز تعتبر هواية أم لا، اختلطت مفاهيمها،
ظهر بشار القيسي يغني: ،،اصغيره كنت وانت اصغيرون، قالو ترى ذوله يحبون،،
شهقت الأم وتمتمت:،،، يااااه ذلك الشاب خاطف القلوب، ليتني كنت مكان كاتيا،،،
الزوج يشعر بقليل من الغيرة ولكنه يمسك زمام نفسه حيث أنه لا يقارن نفسه مع مجموعة من المراهقين عبر التلفاز وتمتم لنفسه قائلا:،،الحمد لله والشكر لله، الله يهديك،،
جاء دور هشام السعودي ففرضت الزوجه الصمت حتى انتهى دوره فقالت:،،زوجي العزيز، حبيبي وقرة عيني، هل ستأخذني للمطار حين يزورنا هشام،،
الزوج:،،ألم تستسخفي الجموح التي توافدت العام الماضي لمشاهدة بشار وربعه،،
الزوجه:،،نعم، ولكن هشام مختلف، أشعر برغبة شديدة لاستقباله وحضور حفلاته، دمه خفيف ،،،،أخف من دمك، جذاب، ومزاجه يروق لي،،،،


خرج بشار من البرنامج، تنفس الأب تنفس الصعداء وقال لنفسه:،،،،،بقي واحد وتزول الطامة،،،،
قالها وهو لا يعرف بأن بشار ظل وسيظل مرات ومرات لأسابيع مقبلة،،،

Baby Foot

Aquamarine and Gigi are obsessed by people’s hands and I think they are lucky. For hands are beautiful to look at. I told them that I look at something else. I never thought of having the guts to post about it here.

I look at people’s feet. It is not a fetish but I just like to observe. I look at the shape compared to a person’s body shape. I look at the size compared to a person’s height. I look at the color and observe those who have a lighter foot bottom shade. I observe if the skin is dry or soft. If the heals are cracked or not. If I’m lucky enough to see the bottom of the foot then I start observing the roads and routes if a person has really cracked foot. If the bottom is soft and clear, I observe the green arteries or red lines for some people.

I look at the toes and compare their length. I go like “this toe is long, but it’s owner doesn’t look like a dominator!”

I look at the sole of the foot and examine whether it’s flat or too arched. I look at certain points and think of reflexology. There’s so much personality to explore down there, but the only foot I enjoy looking at are these.

Wonder if this pic is for real CLICK ME

Update:
I forgot to mention that I also observe nails; the way they are cut and clean. I check out how hair is spread on some people's feet. I enjoy taking digital pics of foot, fingers and nails then watch them up-close. It is interesting to see how a beautiful feet can turn in to an ugly sick one with a 5 mega pixels cam :p

Why Aren’t I posting?

Because I get inspired while driving my car. It’s driving me crazy. It’s not just inspiration. I compose full mind posts but when I get back home they all vanish. Maybe I’d take my car sometime in the weekend, park somewhere in the street, and post. If you see a crazy lady doing so, that would be me.
The best time is when I’m at the traffic light. I get my mobile, type the main points and then archive them. They help at home, but that’s when inspiration vanishes. Blogging is dangerous; it can cause car accidents. Yes, blogging makes me absent minded more than love does :p

Comments from similar nut cases are appreciated.

Love Your Hair

I comb my hair
Leave it a little bit messy here and there
I apply his favorite manicure
Leave spots on my little fingers here and there

Your lipstick don’t wear
A shiny lip gloss is quiet fair
My mom tells me to take real good care
He tells me you're natural beauty is what I prefer

I like your messy hair
Your beauty that shines out through your puffy sleepy eyes
Your happy glowing face with no make up to erase
Is more than enough for me to challenge the entire human race

Your pace
Your grace
Your vanity makes me chase
My ever so lovely beautiful face

copyright @Flamingoliya